MY BIPOLAR AND ME
9.10.16
Being diagnosed with Bipolar aged 14 or something (it was all a huge, horrible blur) I had a pretty different teenage life than the average. With big decisions like, deciding whether or not to keep trying and trying with counselling or whether to try medication, or both!
It was a challenge that I never really thought I'd have to accept and live with for the rest of my life. After years of thinking everyone else dealt with life so easily and thinking I was obviously bad at 'life', I finally realised that actually I wasn't just a stroppy, hormonal teen, and somehow putting a name to it helped.
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| Growing up with a mental health disorder I didn't know I had wasn't easy. |
My biggest challenge was accepting that therapy and recovery aren't easy.
Therapy is not a quick fix or an immediate help, in fact I struggled a lot with not just talking about my mental health but taking advice for it. I felt that no one understood how it really was inside my head, and felt I was being patronised to do things 'normally', when she was only doing her job, and trying to help me.
It's hard being diagnosed with any condition, but I think it's very hard being diagnosed with a mental health condition. You can talk to someone else who has had broken their leg before and you'll have similar experiences of recovery. However talking to someone else with a mental health condition, isn't so similar. In fact, everyone, and every condition is different, and every ones journey through it towards acceptance is very different too.
As I mentioned before in a post I wrote last year (see here), my diagnosis wasn't simple either. My referral was actually lost and I felt that I had been lost too. But the reason for my referral wasn't very straightforward either, I was 14 and it involved a bottle of gin.
I had never looked at alcohol as an answer or a punishment. Growing up in a household where alcohol wasn't just something that's only drank on special occasions, it wasn't a big deal to me.
So what made me nearly overdose on alcohol? I have absolutely no idea.
All I remember is washing a glass out to remove the smell of the gin it had it in, and then putting it on the side. The next thing I know I'm waking up somewhere I'm not familiar with, surrounded my family in a bright room. It smells like a hospital... Oh, and I'm wearing a gown. Where has my bra gone? Why does my nose kill! - What's happened?
I was then told I was a 'very silly girl' by a doctor who said I was 'stupid' and very 'lucky', and nearly had a heart attack. What had I done?
My parents filled my in and it was the gin, I'd drank nearly a bottle of gin and I didn't remember a second of it. If it wasn't for my friend Paul who I was on the phone to at the time, it all could be a very different story.
While on the phone, Paul heard a bang and I wasn't responding. He called my cousin to see if she could get my parents to check on me because he was worried something had happened.
My parents came home to check on me and I was covered in my own vomit and unconscious.
After putting all the pieces together or a few days afterwards, I realised that after I washed that glass out, that I'd gone back to the bottle itself. Then I'd fallen and knocked myself out, falling on my nose (explains why it was so incredibly painful) onto my dolls house roof and knocks myself unconscious.
You could say I had a 'horrible hangover' for a fair few days to come, however it wasn't a hangover it was torture, and all my own fault. If this event hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been referred to a therapist and I wouldn't have been diagnosed, possibly until something else tragic happened.
Therapy wasn't for me, I gave it ago but it really wasn't the right thing for me at the time.
I still had therapy once a week alongside the medication that I decided to try to see if it could help me find the happy head space I craved.
But it isn't as easy as just taking medication. It's a long process of finding the right one, trying different combinations and finding the pairing for you, personally.
It actually took about 5 years of different medication combinations and a process of elimination to find a combination I'm happy with. After having side effects on Fluoxetine and Citalopram with anxiety, panic attacks and anger, I've finally found a good combo with Quetiapine and Sertraline.
I do have to see my doctor a couple of times a year to amend them if I have to depending on how I am mentally, and recently had to increase my anti-depressant medication to help with my down days and paranoia.
Therapy wise, I don't have any anymore. After several bad experiences, I self care.
That might sound stupid to a lot of you, but it works for me. I'm the only expert that knows me, and my head. I've had this for many, many years now and I know me.
I feel like once I had fully accepted my disorder and diagnosis, and could actually finally deal with the fast I had bipolar disorder and could say those words out loud, it became a lot easier.
That's not to say I don't support having therapy, but I personally feel like I've done my bit and learnt what I needed to know. But I'm not alone I have my family, Tom and my dog.
Blogging helps, a lot.
Spending time with and talking to people that I have so much in common with helps because it inspires me, and if I'm inspired I seem to be happy! I love writing, I love coming up with new plans, projects and ideas, I thrive of being inspired.
Sleep helps! I love to sleep.
But that's mainly because my medication does make me very, very drowsy - so I'm pretty good at sleep to be honest.
But what helps mostly is my relationship with my boyfriend, Tom. We've been together 5 years and we know each other so well I'm happy and content. Getting Arla, our pug last year and buying our first house together was a good decision too.
Now I have my own home, how I like it and a dog to look after and love helps me stay challenged but happy. I feel a lot more stable now I have things for myself, it seemed become an adult and dealing with adult things has helped me accept and move on to complete things without having to take my mental health situation into consideration and I can just live life, quite normally which is all I ever wanted.
I don't wear a big jumper that says 'I'm Bipolar', or bring it up in every conversation and make it a big deal and boulder in my life. I obviously struggle some days more than others, and I can deal with certain things easier than other things - but isn't that life?
All I ever wanted growing up was to be happy and normal - two things I didn't think I was, because of my huge mental health condition that I didn't even know I had.
Life isn't normal, and life isn't easy. You have a lot of obstacles to challenge and a lot of crazy big decisions to make along the way. But there is no reason that just because my brain is a little bit more crazy and different to the average human that I can't chase my dreams and succeed.
I thought that having Bipolar would set me back as an adult and I wouldn't be taken seriously.
But it's not like I have a huge arrow advertising it above my head. No one knows. They only know if I tell them, but do I have to do that with everyone I meet? No.
I don't let it become a factor unless it has to be.
My anxiety is the biggest issue for me and I'm still very much working on that one, because that does hold me back, but I try to challenge myself every now and again and test myself and my anxiety, because I feel it really helps with understanding triggers and situations better.
Sometimes, I surprise myself.
I just wanted to say one day, that I was happy.
Yes, I have a mental health disorder and take medication every single day for that, but I am happy.
I finally found my happy medium I'd been searching through my teens for, and it's mainly down to the fact I've found myself a lovely Victorian cottage to live in, a crazy amazing dog I dreamt of owning for years, and a pretty amazing ginger companion to grow old with.
Life is a challenge but it's only what you make it.
Don't hold yourself back, surprise yourself.
Thanks for reading,
If you want to ask me any questions or to contact me if you're going through a mental health diagnosis or maybe you just want to say 'HI!', drop me an email at styledbycharlie@yahoo.com - I'd love to chat!
Charlie xo
Find Me:
Snapchat: CharliePallett
Email: styledbycharlie@yahoo.com
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A DAY IN LONDON | 2ND OCT 2016
5.10.16
As you may or may not know, my blog was nominated for Best Designed Blog at the Beauty Blogger Awards at London Olympia this year, so on Sunday 2nd October my mother and I jumped on the train at Peterborough and headed down the awards to see if I'd won.
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| Leicester Square, London on a sunny Sunday afternoon |
We headed down the Piccadilly line to Earl's Court to grab the district tube to Olympia - which if you didn't know is a confusing waiting game where you stand out in the cold for a while waiting and waiting...
Luckily it was a huge wait this year but maybe that's because we know what we were doing this time!
The short train journey to Olympia is minutes long and we headed to the Pillar Hall to sign in to the Beauty Blogger Awards 2016!
Where my mother got extremely excited by the fact she got a badge and goody bag, which took minutes for her dissect and rummage through.
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| Waiting, waiting, waiting... |
The awards itself didn't start until around 1.30pm, and next door being held in Olympia is the Olympia Beauty show which is full of all things beauty with fashion and accessories thrown in there too. There is some amazing brands and companies with established products and new products to the market also. It's a great place to wonder around, and it's also a place which is hugely tempting to the wallet also.
*No charlie.. No!*
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| The huge Olympia Beauty Show |
Before the awards there are a number of talks and workshops for Bloggers and we sat and listened to a chat about Upping your Blog Photography game from Franny Mac which was very interested, followed by a chat from the hilarious Emma G - who is now one of my most favourite people ever when she elegantly fell of the stage and threw out joke and joke - legend.
I also sat next to Blogosphere Magazine's founder Alice Audley who is super lovely and even recognised me from one of my Instagram posts featuring their Lily Pebbles edition, which made my day a little!
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| Blogosphere Magazine featuring Victoria from In The Frow |
Sadly, I didn't come away with a Beauty Blogger Award this year, but as I lost out last year too in the Outstanding Achievement Award category, I think I'm going to go for 3rd time lucky in 2017 - because I might as well!
After the awards we popped back onto the Piccadilly line and headed for one of my favourite places ever, Covent Garden to grab some food and do some Birthday shopping for Tom's 22nd Birthday next week!
I'd never been to a Jamie Olive restaurant before and as the weather was super lush on Sunday we decided to head to Jamie's restaurant 'Union Jacks' in the centre of Covent Garden for some wine and nibbles which turned into wine a pizza because I totally couldn't resist.
I had the 'Woodman' Pizza with mozzarella instead of cheddar and it was amazing! I love mushroom on pizza, and with glass of sauvignon, it went down a treat!
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| Yummy, scrummy Union Jacks |
So although I didn't jump on the train home carry an award this time round, I had such a lovely day out with my mum and we laughed - nearly cried when I didn't win (lol) - so much and came home wishing we could stay in the city longer.
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CHRISTMAS FOR DOGS
3.10.16
As I don't have any children and last year was lucky enough to buy my first house and get my little puppy bundle, Arla the Pug, Christmas is exciting for me but in a different way to many...
Tom and I class Arla as our child (ridiculous? I know - give us a break) so yes, we do celebrate her birthday, and yes she will receive Christmas presents. But I'm not alone in my obsessed with my dog as crazy as it might sound. We're a country of animal lovers and many households have at least 1 dog in their lives, so why not celebrate Christmas with them?
I popped into Sainsbury's last week excited to see their Pet Christmas stock hitting the shelves from the 'Good Boy' brand, so... I bought it all!
MY AUTUMN WISH LIST | INTERIORS
28.9.16
Possibly my favourite season for colour and style. As I'm obsessed with rustic tones and those cosy nights in snuggled in front of the fire watching rubbish TV.
I have a lot on my wish list for Autumn interiors that I thought I'd share with you all, because there are some adorable and gorgeous autumn stock available right now I think you should all know about.
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| What's your favourite season? |
Autumn Candle - The White Company | £20
A new seasonal fruity and floral scent from The White Company with notes of amber, musk and pear will definitely have you feeling like your in a country park collecting conkers and crushing leaves under your boots.
Decorate your door with these gorgeous season wreath. These autumnal colours with change your room to that cosy feels by bringing the outdoors in. It's perfect for Halloween with the tiny little pumpkins attached. I'd either hang this on my door or above my fireplace as a wall hanging.
I'm obsessed with this fox and hedgehog bedding set with brushed cotton sheets which are reversible to which animal you're in the mood for.
Bed sheets are a great way to update your room at low cost and these adorable hedgehog printed bed sheets are just too cute to pass!
Circular cushions are a great addition to a sofa, bed or chair and using soft furnishings quickly updates an area. This adorable badger cushion is the perfect autumnal sofa accessory.
It wouldn't be getting towards winter without the addition of some stags or antlers now would it?
I have lots in my home all year round but for me, you can't have too many.
This affordable antler wall accessory is perfect for a bare space in your home or even use it as a hat or coat rack.
We update our rugs a lot through the year depending on the season or look we're after.
This gorgeous retro style rug has stunning autumnal tones in it and would look amazing place under a coffee table.
Another great piece to update your room inexpensively is to use throws.
You can collect these through the year with maybe a white one for spring, colourful one for summer, brown, beige, orange or yellow for autumn, and red or green for winter.
They change the look of your sofa instantly and are another great addition to your living room when those colder night star closing in too!
A cosy living room snuggled under a throw is not complete without an adorable alphabetised hot water bottle ready for winter. Personalised items like this make great gifts for Christmas too.
Printer crockery is a personal favourite of mine and I think it really adds a nice unique touch to the dining table, and brightens up your shelves.
These adorable printed bowls in autumn colours are another inexpensive way to update your rooms.
Copper tones are hot in autumn and looks great all over the home, even the bathroom.
Making your kitchen or dining table autumnal could be slightly more difficult but not with this stunning coppery cutlery set - I'm in love.
So they are the pieces topping my homeware wish list this autumn.
Let me know if you like to keep your home seasonal and are looking forward to the cosy autumnal nights.
Thanks for reading,
Charlie xo
Find Me:
Snapchat: CharliePallett
Email: styledbycharlie@yahoo.com
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* This post is NOT sponsored and all views are my own
MY 5 FAVOURITE WHITE WINE | LIST
25.9.16
I'm a lover of a cheeky alcoholic beverage and my favourite kind of tipple is white wine or gin.
Over the summer I've been experimenting with different white wines and I've gathered quite a favourite collection, which I thought I'd share with you!
Bright aromas of nettles, melon and grapefruit. The palate delivers juicy citrus and guava flavours with elegant acidity, giving a long refreshing finish. A wine of remarkable intensity and style.
Wine of Marlborough, New Zealand
Wine of South Australia.
Vegan and vegetarian friendly
Sauvignon Blanc - White Australian Wine
This wine is full of characters - intense tropical fruit punch.
Crafted using grapes from three of Chile's coastal regions. This cooler climate brings out the best qualities as the grapes ripen later, allowing the intense fruit flavours to shine through.
A refreshing light-bodied Sauvignon Blanc with zesty peach, citrus fruit and gooseberry flavours.
Produced and bottled in Chile
"...as I rowed closer, to the deepest part of the river, the sight of the lone fisherman slowly faded before my very eyes until I reached the point where he had been... The fisherman and his skiff had disappeared entirely, as though they had been a vision, or possibly a phantom..."
Named after this mysterious sighting, Phantom River Sauvignon Blanc has enticing aromas of citrus followed by crisp, concentrated flavours of tropical fruits with hints of lime, leaving a long, lingering finish. This juicy, intense Sauvignon Blanc is perfect with smoked salmon, lobster dishes or even Caesar salad.
Wine of Chile
What's your favourite White Wine which should I try next?
Thanks for reading,
Charlie xo
Find Me:
Snapchat: CharliePallett
Email: styledbycharlie@yahoo.com
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* This post is NOT sponsored and all views are my own
AUTUMN INTERIORS @ H&M | HOME
21.9.16
My favourite time of year is definitely autumn and winter.
I absolutely love the colder weather, darker nights and the excuse to stay in watching a movie in front of the fire.
Tom and I have nearly lived at our first little home for a year and I'm getting tempted into autumnal and wintery interiors to prepare for our favourite kind of evenings snuggled on the sofa.
H&M have some amazing new stock which is inexpensive and gives you an affordable way to update your living space ready for autumn and winter without breaking the bank!
I'm obsessed with dark colours this season and mixed metals.
I love playing with textures, patterns and block colours as I think they really transform a space.
I've noticed a lot of greens, blues and blacks this season as well as silver, gold and black all making a comeback and taking over the copper trend.
Scrolling the H&M Website has inspired me to create a Autumn Mood Board as an affordable way to update my living space into a cosy autumnal area ready for those colder nights.
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| All these items are from H&M Home at amazing affordable prices. |
SOFT FURNISHINGS
Cushions, rugs and blankets are a style and comfort essentials when entering the A/W season as they add warmth and comfort to a space as well as accessorising sofas and floors with a cosy touch.
H&M have a great range of cushions covers whatever your style and taste.
I'm feeling greens this season and H&M have a fab selection of different patterns, textures and designs on their cushion cover offering. I particularly love the one printed with a Christmas Tree to get you in the festive feeling.
A aztec patterned rug is a great staple piece as it works in lots of themes whether you've got a modern or retro style they add a really good touch of pattern to a room.
DECORATION & HOMEWARE
Candles, candle holders and vase may sound like an old-school choice these days, however I really think they add to a theme and do come with function too.
Vases are perfect to pop on those pieces of furniture you don't use every day and really add to a space by giving height, colour and texture to a room.
I particularly like vase arrangements in twos or threes and thing contrasting textures and finishes really complete a space.
H&M have a great selection of unique decoration piece and I'm definitely going to popping their vases on my Christmas list!
FURNITURE & ACCESSORIES
One of my favourite things in the world is furniture, working in furniture retail I love how furniture can transform a space. But so can the accessories you add to a room.
For example this rustic tray from H&M featured about can be of such use and add functionality to a coffee table or ottoman, and become multi functional as a dinner tray etc.
The other piece I love is the industrial magazine rack which is so handy!
I use these for magazine or for putting blankets or firewood in, I love the wire industrial look and love mixing the style with different trends, eras and themes. I think the industrial look really works against most interior looks, I have so much of it in my house with my vintage/rustic theme.
Thanks for reading,
Charlie xo
Find Me:
Snapchat: CharliePallett
Email: styledbycharlie@yahoo.com
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* This post is NOT sponsored and all views are my own
I've never been a fan of bathroom accessories and I find them all very cheap, tacky and dull.
We have large roll top bath that is very, very deep you almost sink into it!
I'm actually much more of a shower person but I was feeling like something was missing from our bathroom, and I had a really cool idea!
I took to eBay to hope to find a local person selling a large piece of wood over a specific length, so that I could use it as a unique and stylish bath rack!
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| Fun, functional and rustic perfection. |
Tom is always having baths and is the kind of person who loves to spend a lot of time in there, with a film on his laptop, candles and his phone close by.
I found this amazing piece of wood, exactly the perfect length to balance on the edge of our bath that makes the most amazing fictional bath shelf which you can keep all your belongings on while you relax. The wood is actually an old shelf, its very heavy and amazing quality, but it was only £5!
I think this is a such a modern and stylish way to add a function piece to your bathroom with so many uses that isn't that awful tacky chrome or dated white plastic material but something actually quite fab! Theres so many ways you can incorporate this unique idea into your scheme whether that's by painting it or changing it slightly to include wine glass holders in the sides or even little side pockets attached to the sides to hold your essentials.
I've had so many comments on my little idea and thought that some of you might be interested in this quirky idea that might transform your bathroom too!
Just a fun and functional tip to change our bathing game to the ultimate relaxation space.
Let me know what you think!
Thanks for reading,
Charlie xo
Find Me:
Snapchat: CharliePallett
Email: styledbycharlie@yahoo.com
SUBSCRIBE to my YouTube Channel:
* This post is NOT sponsored and all views are my own
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